just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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