Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
