STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
