i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
