Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
