Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
