By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
