thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
