Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
