OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
