to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
