i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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