Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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