I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
