Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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