So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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