Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
