When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
