I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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