You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
