I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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