just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
