I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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