saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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