I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
