I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
