I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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