Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
