After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
