They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
