That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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