I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
