Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
