Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
