why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
