sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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