My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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