Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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