I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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