We're facebook friends in real life
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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