you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
