i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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