So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize