Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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