Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
