I hope mine doesn't look like that
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
