I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
