mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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