If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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