Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
