Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize