My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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