do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
