dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is wine microwaveable?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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