You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
