I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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