Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
