Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
