I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
