his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
