I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
