There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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