I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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